"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)


Long Distant Relationship?

by Anon

Do long distance relationships work? I just don't know what to do with my 'love and moving far away' situation - please help!...

"Relationships Q&A with You, Me and Paula Renaye"

QUESTION: Can This Long Distance Relationship Work?...


MORE FROM Anon...

How far should I, or will I, move for love?

I feel as if I'm between a rock and a hard place. I love my boyfriend of 1 and a half years (I'm 31 and he is 29); we live together, and we constantly talk about spending our lives together.

The catch is that my boyfriend dreams of becoming a Peace Corps volunteer or becoming a Foreign Service Worker. I'm not sure if I can do those things with him. I'm afraid it would kill my family with worry about my safety and they would be hopelessly sad from missing me.

On the other side of the coin, I'd be devastated if my boyfriend and I separated.

Sadness and anger are brewing inside of me because of this dilemma I may face soon, and it is affecting how I feel and the quality of our relationship.

If I loved "the love of my life" enough, would I go with him? If he loved me enough, would he stay in the US with me?

How far should I go for love??



STEVE'S ANSWER

"Loving someone is setting them free, letting them go."
-- Kate Winslet

Hmm, and these words could well apply to you - what would happen if your boyfriend decided against embarking on such a life-affirming experience (one I have been on myself, actually) in favour of 'keeping you happy'? Might resentments enter into your relationship? And might this be the start of you exerting 'control' in your relationship, whenever a situation arises that frightens you (because you don't like change)?

OR... or, the words of Kate Winslet might apply to your family - maybe they should let you go and be happy (not afraid) of the shared adventures that would like ahead for you and your boyfriend.

Above all, what's required here is a little bit of REAL self-honesty:

* Who is afraid of doing Peace Corps - your family, OR you?

* Why, exactly, are you feeling angry/sad at this situation? (Is it forcing you to make a choice you'd rather not make? Sooner or later you have to make this choice - you have to commit to YOUR life, rather than be restricted by the expectations and fears of your family.)

Answer these questions, and think about what real love is, and I'm sure your heart will know what is best for you and your respective loves (for family, and boyfriend).

Thanks for sharing your relationship question here


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