Listening is very important when it comes to communicating clearly...
And I should know, because my inability to listen properly has got me
into a lot of trouble over the years! Oops. So *I* shall be coming back
to this page often to study careful what Peter Murphy has to say about
one of the most basic of communication skills: listening.
And this is what Peter has to say, in summary: good listening is vital
for effective communication skills and it consists of learning to paraphrase,
getting clarification where necessary, being aware of body language, being
quick to respond, being patient as a listener, understanding nonverbal
communication, and more...
I'll talk about all of these tips below. Amd you can read Peter's full
aritcle below that.
Listening skills - what I say...
Okay, firstly I have to say hats off to Peter Murphy - this is one of
the best self-help articles on
this site, in my humble opinion anyway. Perhaps this is because my listening
skills are not so great, I couldn't possibly comment, but Peter really
does show you how to improve one of the basic communication skills: that
of listening.
And to see how bad I am as a listener, I'm going to comment directly
on a few of Peter's tips:
1. Practice to Paraphrase.
I don't do this much, but it's a simple thing (I hope) to help my day-to-day
communications with all those fortunate enough to have to communicate
with me. Lol
3. Give effective feedback
In other words respond to what the person is saying - it kinda proves
that you were listening. Thankfully, I do this. (Do you?)
4. Always be aware of body language.
Hmm, that body language stuff is pretty tricky to me. Good job I'm going
to learn about it via this website. (Coming soon.)
5. Focus on the speaker
Again, this should go without saying. If you're checking out other (more
interesting?) people whilst listening to someone it's not too clever.
You know that. So do I. Let's both agree to stop doing it then, shall
we? :-)
8. Empathize
Again, if you actually care about what the person is saying it's going
to improve your ability to listen. Put yourself in their shoes. And do
this often.
10. Avoid cutting off before they have finished speaking.
Ah, mea culpa - as they say in Latin. It means that I make this
mistake far too often. It's rude. It's impatient. And it's just bad listening.
And here, by the magic of YouTube, we have an example of good
listening in action - and an interesting dilemma...
Okay, over to you Peter...
11 Unusual Tips for Great Listening Skills
Listening skills - what Peter Murphy has to say...
Would you like to improve your listening skills when you communicate?
The life blood of a relationship and the foundation of all human interaction
is communication. One must have listening skills to be able to communicate.
For communication to be effective, you must have understanding, honesty,
kindness, and respect. Active listening is a vital part of good communication.
Most communication experts recommend the following traits to be a good
listener.
Practice to Paraphrase. It is a good way to show that you
have really listened. When there is a natural pause in the conversation,
restate briefly what you heard by rephrasing in your own words. Then
ask if this is correct.
Whenever it is needed, always clarify. Ask questions and clarification
on anything said that you do not quite understand. Make sure you understand
clearly before you react to what has been said.
Give effective feedback but be careful in doing so. Feedback
consists of telling what your reaction is to what has been said. You
should clearly state that your feedback is based on your understanding
of what was heard. The feedback must be immediate, honest, and must
not be attacking but supportive.
Always be aware of body language. Communication can be visual.
You're receiving not only words but, most importantly, you're receiving
body language and tone. Most often body language prevails over words.
Learn to listen with empathy, openness and awareness. Nod your head
occasionally as you listen to your partner and maintain eye contact
to show interest in what they are saying. If you sense a discrepancy
between what is being said and what you see, ask for clarification.
Concentrate. Focus on the speaker, avoid negative distraction
by choosing positive approach that speaks on the issue and against the
person. Anyone can tell whether they have your interest and attention
by the way you reply. Maintain eye contact.
Acknowledge through body language by occasionally nodding or
saying uh-huh. Acknowledgment through body language does not interrupt
but encourages more insights to flow. Oftentimes it is one way of conveying
that you are attentive and trying to understand every word the other
one is trying to say, without our interrupting the flow of his/her mind.
Be quick to respond. Too long a period of silence after the
other one has spoken might give a wrong message that you have not been
listening. Ask, clarify if you have not clearly understood. This would
show sincerity.
Empathize, share in their emotions and feelings. A good listener
feels what the other person is talking about and it shows. Facial expressions
and body language can not lie and it often gives us away. Our mouth
speaks what is in our hearts.
Listen patiently. We often think faster than they speak. Sometimes
it is due to limited vocabulary and experience in talking, especially
with children. Listen as though you have plenty of time.
Avoid cutting off before they have finished speaking. It is
easy to form an opinion or reject another point of view before others
have finished what they have to say. It may be difficult to listen respectfully
and not correct misconceptions, but respect their right to have and
express their opinions.
Master the art of reading non-verbal communication. It is
a must for listening skills. Many messages are communicated nonverbally
by the tone of voice, facial expressions, energy level, posture, or
changes in behavior patterns. You can often tell more from the way one
says something than from what is said.
Listening is an art, it is the bridge to understanding. When we are listened
to, it molds us, makes us unfold and expand. Ideas actually begin to grow
within us and come to life when we have good listening skills.
Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very
popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence.
Apply now because it is available only at: conversation
starters
