Leaving My Fiance?
For some unknown reason my fiance seems to have closed his heart to me. Our once passionate relationship has now been reduced to early morning and late night kisses only. What to do?...
"Relationships Q&A with You, Me and Paula Renaye"
QUESTION: Has My Fiance Stopped Loving Me?... MORE FROM Anon...
Things were great in the beginning as they typically are.
I fell in love and have never felt this way or wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone, but something has changed. He began getting very jealous and in turn became angry over the fights. I have never (and would never) cheat on him and I think he truly knows this but still his jealousy comes out.
Now I feel that he has emotionally turned off because he fears the worst
and he will get hurt so he closes up and shows no emotion. I have tried talking to him. I have told him that I need to feel that he cares. I want him to show me the love like he did before. We live together and I feel like we are more of roommates then lovers.
After several talks, he tells me he is scared of getting married again. He has been married twice before and both ended very ugly. I have never been married. I told him I understood his feelings and maybe we should postpone the wedding until we get things back on track with us or call it off all together.
I thought things were getting better but he still shows no emotion to me. He kisses me in the morning and before bed but other than that, I feel nothing from him.
I love him and don't want to give up on our relationship, but I fear he will never be able to show me the love like he did before.
I just need some adviceSTEVE'S ANSWER
I feel for you. That's the first thing I wanted to say: I feel for you.
Secondly, I'm not sure you were looking for advice but for a place to simply express yourself - and you have done that, and I hope just writing down your thoughts, summarising your situation has helped.
Next comes the advice, starting with the inspirational quote"Problems in relationship occur because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person."
-- Wayne Dyer
Look, whether you carry on trying to make your relationship work - twisting yourself this way and that to get your fiance to realise that you love him, that he has nothing to fear
, that ALL he has to do is to love like he used to.
Or whether you decide to be courageous in a different way, to realise your fiance has shut down, can give no more, and your relationship is actually over.
Whatever you choose to do in this relationship, I think it's VITAL that you understand that good relationships come about when you stop expecting things from others
, when you stop seeking certain behaviours from another, when you instead decide to be and to act the way you'd like the other person to be and to act towards you.ALL you can do in your relationships
- whether they be romantic relationships, family relationships, friendships etc. - is do your bit of the relationship with as much integrity, with as much self-awareness and with as much love as you can muster; i.e. all you can do is do your best
The rest is up to them.
And if the rest isn't 'good enough', for you that is, then you must move on.
So there are no right and wrong ways to do relationships
, I believe, just ways that are right and wrong for you to experience them.
Yes, it takes courage to let go of a relationship that is important to you, but if your partner can not give you what you believe you need then courage is what's required to make space for a partner who CAN.
This is not an easy path to take, I completely understand...