"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)


Is She Cheating?

by Mike
(New Jersey, USA)

I'm looking for some online relationship advice my girlfriend. I looked at her phone, TWICE, without her knowing and saw interactions/photos with other men that I do not like. I don't want to confess to my spying, but I do want to know if she's cheating on me. Help?...


"Your Relationship Questions, Your Answers!"

QUESTION: Is she cheating?


MORE FROM Mike...

So I've been dating this girl since the beginning of January.

We both stated we didn't want to date or see anyone else since February.

We went on spring break together in mid April for a week and had such a great time. One day when I was drunk on the trip I went through her phone and questioned her about some guy and she said that she had nothing to hide and was mad that I didn't trust her and went through her phone.

I felt dumb because it wound up being nothing bad.

I felt bad that I didn't trust her.

This was April 16th. We have moved forward and still are dating. However this weekend we were away again for memorial day and I was drunk again and went through her phone and saw that she sent two nude photos to a different guy around April 6th or 8th.

I was very disappointed, but haven't said anything to her yet because I don't know how to approach the situation.

I like this girl and want to resolve this situation.

I just don't know how to bring it up without saying I went through her phone again. Please help. Thank you







STEVE'S ANSWER

"The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said."
-- Peter Drucker


Is your girlfriend cheating on you?

Hmm, I don't know (only SHE knows that), but here's what WE do know:
  • She's sending nude photos of herself to a man that is not you

  • You do not like that she is doing this

  • You have twice checked her phone without her knowledge

  • She does not like you doing this

  • You do not want to admit that you've spied on her, TWICE

That's what we know.

Everything else is speculation.

She may be cheating, she may not. You might be right to spy on her, you might not. (You could just ask her outright, you might not.)

Relationships, good ones or bad ones, *ONLY* work with good communication. Even if what you communicate is hard to do, sometimes, and reveals some of your own insecurities.

Here's a question for you to answer, Mike:
  • Do you want this relationship with this woman to work? Are you prepared to trust her? AND are you prepared to challenge her, if you feel it right to do so?

In short, what sort of relationship do you want to be creating with her, or some other woman?

Great relationships aren't safe relationships... (Think about that.)

Steve

Comments for Is She Cheating?

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Your relationship
by: Anonymous

I agree with Steve, you need good communication to have a strong relationship.

With what you have told us, you have now looked twice at her phone and are feeding into your suspicions, so there is a lack of trust. You have seen nude photos she sent to other people but now feel unable to talk to her about it.

Would it be a good idea to have an open conversation about your relationship and suggest some positive ideas that you both feel you can introduce to help you move forward from this point?

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