How to be assertive? Read what Saichon Sannok has to say...


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How to be Assertive

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"Assertiveness is not what you do, it's who you ARE!"

That's what Shakti Gawain thinks about assertive behavior.

And 'being' is much more powerful than 'doing', after all!

But maybe you just think it's simply being able to stand up for yourself.

Well, whatever you believe is true about assertive communication...

... you'll find help you can use here, in your assertiveness training.

You'll find a YouTube video, an assertiveness article, my thoughts on assertiveness and some further recommended reading too.

And, as always, your views on assertiveness are welcome!

Please share your thoughts here!

How to be assertive - what I say...

Hmm, this is one of those 'blind leading the blind' situations that makes this self help website unique. And that's because assertiveness is not one of my strong points. Yet! I do know a lot about the theory behind assertive behavior, but putting it into practice is where I have struggled I will admit. (I recognise that this is one of the most important social skills, though, so that's why I'm intending to really boost my assertiveness in 2010 by taking action!)

Yes, this is very much one of those times when learning how to be assertive is important but taking action is vital! (Even if that action is simply listening to one of those subliminal audios from the likes of Real Subliminal .)

So, how to be assertive? Don't pretend! No, don't pretend to be assertive as you'll be fooling no-one.

So by all means learn to stand up for yourself, by following the advice below, but understand that you need to do much more than that, you need to BE you.

So always ask for something in a way that respects both your needs and the needs of the other person, but do so with the strength of who You truly are.

Okay, this might not make sense to you right now. And in that case just stick with learning some assertiveness techniques or improving your listening skills (as discussed below). But if you can access your true power it will be a much better way for you to be assertive in the long run. (And you can learn how to do this if you visit Guy Finley's website. Guy's spiritual teachings point the way to this state of being You. Recommended.)

It's still useful to follow practical advice, though. And this is the essence of Saichon Sannok's advice on assertive communication:

Be ready
Prepare yourself for your 'meeting'
Keep an open mind
Have a flexible approach to finding a solution. Don't be stubborn!
Acknowledge
To acknowledge is a truly powerful form of communicating. When you acknowledge, you listen!
Remember the 4Cs
Be clear, concise, coherent and complete
Reach an agreement
:-)

Okay, I wish you well in your quest to learn how to be assertive. Please do let me know how you get on. Thanks.

Self Improvement - How To Be Assertive, Yet Not Aggressive

How to be assertive - what Saichon Sannok has to say...

Imagine another customer pushes in front of you in the supermarket line. How would you feel?

Or, what if a rude co-worker keeps whining like a spoiled little brat about his miserable life while you are in the middle of a very important project due the next day?

Like a majority of the normal population, you will probably feel very strong emotions such as frustration and anger. So strong, in fact, that it might push you to the brink of losing your temper and letting off steam at unsuspecting individuals
.
But you don't want this to happen, right? What you want is to let the other person know that you didn't like what he did without coming across as combative, ready to brandish your high-powered firearms at the slightest hint of movement. You want to be assertive, not aggressive. And the way to do this is to employ the following steps. Try it for yourself and see the difference.

The first thing that you have to do is to BE READY. This means that you have to prepare yourself for the meeting. Try to imagine how you would want the scene to play out. You should always remember that it should be a calm, peaceful and straight to the point discussion. Strictly no beating around the bush.

Next, KEEP AN OPEN MIND to be able to understand the other person. Focus on his main idea. If there is something that you find erroneous in his statement or logic, keep it in mind but don't interrupt. Let him have the floor and see the situation from his point of view. If you feel that you have been left hanging with his statements, ask him to elaborate.

Then, make sure you ACKNOWLEDGE the other person's point of view. In the classic diagram of the flow of communication, there should be a speaker, message, listener and feedback. Feedback or acknowledgment is essential in the sense that the communication process is gone if there is no response from the listener.

Now it's your turn to air your side. REMEMBER THE 4Cs: Clear, Concise, Coherent and Complete. Use these C's while explaining your grievances point by point. Do not squeak or ramble. Maintain a steady tone all through the meeting, punctuating it only if the need arises.

Last but not the least, try to REACH AN AGREEMENT with the other person. You don't have to back down from your statements and apologize. Just be open. Compromise is not a bad word. It doesn't make you less of a mature individual. In fact, it is a win-win option for both sides. It only shows that you are mature enough and ready to meet the other halfway.

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Article Source: Self Improvement-How To Be Assertive, Yet Not Aggressive

How to be assertive - what these recommended resources have to say...

YouTube Video - How to teach girls to be assertive
This is a fascinating video aimed at girls, created by Howdini.com. It's an interview that basically discusses the differences between assertiveness and aggressiveness, and then goes on to explain how assertive behavior is perceived by both girls and their mothers. Worth a watch, especially if you have to deal with girls.

How to Be Assertive @ WikiHow.com
Contains tips on assertive behavior and assertive communication. This article definitely shows you how to stand up for yourself but I'm not sure it distinguishes properly between assertiveness and aggressiveness.
Real Subliminal offers subliminal audio aimed at helping you become more assertive. They offer a free minicourse in subliminal messaging, too, in case you don't understand the technology. Might be worth a try! Or...
Learn to Meditate
EnergyMeditationSecrets.com gives you a free audio to show you how to instantly release any unwanted thoughts, feelings or beliefs! And learning to be calmer is definitely a great piece of assertiveness training, if you ask me. Or...
Assertiveness books from Amazon.com might be what you need to read (or Amazon UK)

Return to Assertiveness from How To Be Assertive or...
Return to Self Help Collective from How To Be Assertive

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