"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)


How Can I Make My Ex Boyfriend Choose Me Again?

by Lila
(Vienna)

My relationship question is this: How do I make my 'complicated' on-off relationship with my ex-boyfriend work? Both of us have deep feelings for each other, both want it to work, but we keep breaking up, it seems, and he's frightened of it failing again!...


"Your Relationship Questions, Your Answers!"

QUESTION: How Do I Make Our On-Off Relationship WORK?


MORE FROM Lila...

My Ex Boyfriend and I have a very complicated history of first me going cold on our relationship after three years of being together, then trying to get back together and so it went back and forth a couple of times. During all this on-off time (nearly a year now) we have always stayed in contact and share a deep connection despite all the complication.

Two months ago he wanted to make a clear cut - either being together or be apart. At that moment I had a lot on my plate with other stuff and couldn't agree to be back together.

After that I slowly realized what a huge mistake I had made and how in love I have always been with this guy that I can't imagine a future without him.

Three weeks ago I gathered all my courage and told him how I feel and that I wanted to try again. He was very hesitant and told me that he thinks that he is still in love with me but the thought of us breaking up again is blocking his will of being together.

I am so unsure what to do.

There's also another girl involved that he's seeing and he lied to me about having seen her the day before we met yesterday. I am so afraid that our turbulent past has destroyed all chances of getting back together and that this new girl is the "easier" choice for him. I asked him directly if his blockage has something to do with choosing between two women, but he said no.

What can I do, I don't want to push him, I don't want to beg - I only want to be with him and make him see that we can do it this time and have learned from our mistakes?

Lila


STEVE'S ANSWER

"Anything you want to ask a teacher, ask yourself,
and wait for the answer in silence."

-- Byron Katie


Honestly, I don't know what to say to you, Lila, re the relationship that you and your ex- want to create together, but seemingly can't.

So let me share what comes to mind.

* Stop trying so hard.

* Do something different

* Let go!

The fact is, the "how do I make someone want me?" question doesn't have a one-size-fits-all answer.

There is an answer, even if it's one you might not like, so here's my advice: Pause a while, stop thinking about it, and see what comes from such a 'non-doing'.

~~~

Another fact here is that there are 'issues' you both have with each other that you both do not seem to be able to get past.

There is something here that can teach you about yourself, if you will let it.

Something that, if you see it and understand it and humble yourself to it, could well help you create the type of relationship you deep down want, with this man or with another.

~~~

Sorry if this is not what you wanted to read, but it's all I got.

(Do you know of Byron Katie? Her words are often counter-intuitive, but they do get you to look in the direction of where the real problem lies! (And solution.) And that's within... http://www.smnash.com/byron-katie-quotes/.)

Steve

 

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