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How high is healthy? :-) Well, Dr. Elizabeth Menon discusses the
difference between a healthy self esteem and an unhealthy high self-esteem in
her article below. And, strangely, it seems an unhealthy high self-esteem
has many of the symptoms of low self esteem. The very meaning of self-esteem
is covered, too - has to be, really. And I talk about my understanding of
this issue too. So do you have an unhealthy self-esteem? Well, look
out for self-worthiness, narcissism, and feelings of superiority. Or do
you have a balanced self esteem? Well, look out for feelings of contentment
within yourself and towards others - whoever these others are! Read
on, to find out more...
High self esteem - what I
say...It's funny but, until recently, I never believed in the notion of
unhealthy high self esteem. I thought that there was low
self esteem - unhealthy, not helpful to you nor to the people in your life
- and high positive self esteem. And that's it. But it turns out that some people's
self-esteem can be high in an unhealthy way. So
what happened recently to make me aware of this so-called unhealthy high self
esteem. Well, let's just say that I met someone who displayed many of the traits
that Dr Elizabeth Menon describes as symptoms of high self esteem in her article,
namely: - An individual who felt superior, and who also displayed
- Patronizing
behaviour patterns
Message to that person (who shall remain unnamed):
"People with healthy self-esteem do not feel superior to others and do not
get irritated if someone is less capable then they are!" (There, that's told
them! Hee hee.) In fact, on the contrary, I suggest that if you have a healthy
high self esteem it means you most probably recognise qualities (and strengths)
in others that these people themselves do not recognise. So... High
self esteem should be enabling. It should empower you,
and it should empower
the people you come into contact with, too! That's what I say, anyway.
(And maybe we could all do with testing our self-esteem, just to make sure, using
the highly regarded The Rosenberg
Self-Esteem Scale. Maybe.)
So that means that a healthy high self
esteem does NOT mean drugs binges, having to prove yourself, being in denial,
being prone to road rage or violence... It doesn't mean anything bad, actually.
Those are my thoughts, anyway, right this moment (19th February, 2009 @
09:12GMT) about high self-esteem. And if you'd asked me what I thought at
09:00GMT I would have been less clear - other than knowing I had a feeling of
irritation (oh oh!) in relation to a certain, unnamed friend. But I'm happy
with my instant definition of high self esteem. And you? What
do you think about this issue? Please let me know! :-) Now it's
DR Menon's turn to talk about positive self esteem...
The
Problem With High Self-esteemHigh self esteem - what DR Elizabeth Menon
has to say...
One needs to define the meaning of
self-esteem, before the much complex word 'high self-esteem' is considered. Dictionaries
define self-esteem as, " confidence and respect for oneself", or "how much a person
likes, accepts, and respects himself, overall as a person". The National Association
for Self-Esteem defines it as, " The experience of being capable of meeting life's
challenges and being worthy of happiness". A balanced high self-esteem is essential
for the development of a healthy human being. Healthy self-esteem, based
on basic principles such as worthiness, competence, self-reliance and a genuine
desire to love and accept others, enables one to face the challenges in life and
emerge victorious in adverse situations. But, if the self-esteem is based on external
factors such as one's appearance, family connections, place of birth or social
status, it may give an inflated opinion of one's worth and competence from
a very early stage in life. The outcome would be an individual with overly high
self-esteem or unhealthy high self-esteem, which is unearned. Self-esteem
starts to build up from the time of birth and then on it is a gradual process,
helped by one's parents, teachers, peers or society as a whole. It is very
important to have good self-esteem during the formative years when one has
many issues to deal with. Children may develop a tendency to have a low self-esteem
or even an unhealthy high self-esteem that eventually turn into narcissism. It
is paramount that children at this stage are given support and training on basic
principles and values in life, teaching them to have good balance between competence,
accomplishments and self-worth. Any such training may be adversely affected by
indiscriminate use of praise by the teachers and parents, in their attempt
to make the children feel more confident. These children may reach adulthood without
having understood the real meaning of healthy self-esteem; the pursuit of higher
academic accomplishments may create individuals who feel superior, showing
egotistical and patronizing behaviour patterns. It's the over-inflated opinion
of one's self-worth and ability that leads to the overly high self-esteem. One
can get aggressive if threatened; showing destructive behaviour, drug abuse, drink
driving, road-rage or violence, just to prove that one is superior. They also
have a vulnerable side to their character that needs constant pampering and may
even change or hide personal details to show supremacy over friends and colleagues,
either to get a better job or a higher social standing. Various problems
in life can change the perception of people and how they analyse situations. It
could be marital problems, financial ruin, alcohol or drug abuse that bring about
the changes in ones life, having to resort to different methods to cover up the
situation. One may show signs of an unhealthy high self-esteem or enter
a phase of denial and pretend to be happy, or go to the other extreme showing
signs of low self-esteem. This extreme behaviour pattern often happens when there
is total imbalance between what one believes in and what one is capable of doing
or the inability to recognise it, which could be the result of an over-inflated
opinion of ones personal worth. There are few people in any society with
unhealthy self-esteem who have an uncontrollable urge to control everything. World
History shows examples of 'people of small stature', trying to show the world
that they are 'big'- Julius Caesar, Napoleon, Hitler and Stalin are few of the
examples. Mussolini, Ho-Chi-Min, Mao, King Herod, and Pol Pot are among those
who believed in their inflated opinion of self worth. The egotistical, dictatorial
and conceited behaviour of these men and many others like them have one thing
in common, the self-worthiness becoming narcissism, showing the disharmony
between their sense of values and behaviour. High self-esteem should not
be confused with an overly high self-esteem, though quite difficult to distinguish
between the two at times. The Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale (1965) is the 'gold
standard' measure, to arrive at the diagnosis. A sense of self worth, and a sense
of ones own capabilities in good equilibrium: harmony between the psychological
strength and behaviour could keep the 'overly high self-esteem' at bay. A
good balance between sense of worthiness and confidence in ones abilities is what
is required in most situations. Self-education, to become aware of the situation
and a desire to change by seeking professional help and interacting with close
friends and immediate family would be most welcome and beneficial. But, holding
on to the principles and values that one believes in and having the conviction
to make the right choices when faced with adversities, one can enjoy a productive
life. ----------------------------------------------------
About the Author:
I am Dr Elizabeth Menon, working in the UK. I love writing and my articles
have been published in the UK and abroad. My hobbies include reading, writing,
gardening, cooking, watching films, listening to music, helping environmental
causes, etc. Visitors to my homepage get the unique opportunity to read my monthly
write up,'Corner' and articles written by me on various topics in two languages,
English and Malayalam (the language spoken in Kerala, otherwise known as 'God's
own Country'!).
Please visit my homepage at: http://omana.net/
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com
High
self-esteem - what these recommended resources say...
- How
to Have High Self Esteem
Aurelius Tijn's "How to build your self esteem
in just one weekend" course is much more about having a healthy self esteem
in my opinion.
- Self-esteem
from LiveStrong.com
Interesting article that discusses self-esteem and
uses expressions like healthy self esteem, positive self esteem and even high
self esteem - all to mean the same thing.
- High
self esteem books @ Amazon.com
and Amazon
UK
You'll
find best-selling books about high self-esteem at Amazon, where you can read about
this subject in much more depth.
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