"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)


Getting Over My First Love!

by Anonymous
(Alabama, USA)

I loved my boyfriend of 2 years so much but my parents interfered and made it impossible for us. So as soon as I was able I rebelled and married another man. And I love him, but I can't stop thinking about my ex- still...

"Your Relationship Questions, Your Answers!"

QUESTION: How do stop being in love with my ex?


When I was in highschool, I was in love with the most amazing man. And he loved me back - we dated for 2 years, he gave me a promise ring, and then it all went down hill.

My parents (aunt and uncle) were very overprotective and didn't want me to date. They wanted me to court, so once he gave me the ring, they asked us to take a step back. At this point in time we lived in California, it was just a couple months later that my parents told me we were moving to Virginia.

It broke my heart, but it wasn't quite over yet.

My boyfriend was going to come visit me :) Well he came to visit and my parents discovered that we were a lot closer in our relationship than they thought. (That is, we had kissed and were closer emotionally than they ever knew.) So when he left they took away my phone, computer privileges, everything! I couldn't contact him at all. While I was at work one day, I was telling a friend of mine what was going on and she said I could use her phone. I talked to him for awhile that way and then when that stopped working I started bringing quarters to work and walking a mile up the road to a payphone. It became really hard to keep up the relationship.

Now I was 18 and by then my parents had cut off everything and honestly I can't remember what I was thinking at this point. I was offered a basketball scholarship in Tennessee and when I went I completely rebelled against my parents and their rules and the first man who was willing to marry me, I married. Now don't get me wrong, I do love my husband (I did then too), we have been married for 4 years and have 2 little boys. We have an awesome relationship, he really is my best friend.

But, I can't stop thinking about my "ex". We never broke it off, we never got closure, it wasn't our choice! I looked him up and he also got married and moved on I guess. But I'm still in love with him, please help.

What do I do??? I'm so lost and I don't want to ruin what I have over something I can't have anyway. I just want to stop being in love with him.







STEVE'S ANSWER

"When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal."
-- Unknown

The first (and possibly only) thing that comes to my mind is... love him then, be in love with your ex-boyfriend from afar!

It seems your struggle is with not loving him, and maybe it's okay if you stop struggling, and just love him!

I'm not suggesting for a minute that you do anything about this love - it's fantastic that you have such a great, loving relationship with your husband, so I don't think you will - but I am saying it's okay (if it's okay with you!) for you to carry on loving him.

How does that sound to you?

(Anyone else got thoughts here, for this broken-hearted woman?)

Steve


NOTE: I've created a relationships ebook called "Top 10 Relationship Questions... Answered" that aims to help anyone in a romantic relationship - whether it's to start/end a relationship, or to learn how to trust in a relationship, or even how to deal with a controlling relationship.

And the answers in the ebook I provide (based on questions asked in the Relationship Advice Forum) help you find your answers, in your own unique relationships. I recommend it, but then I would say that wouldn't I! Find out more here...

Steve
(Dec 1st, 2015)

 

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