SelfHelpCollective.com

Funny Text Messages That Make You :-)

What have funny sms messages got to do with self-help?

Well... As it says on the top of this page... smiling (and laughing) helps you feel happy, no?

• So that's what this page is all about: a collection of free sms jokes

So that once you've had your giggle - or groan!, I make no promises as to how funny this free funny sms page is going to be - you can get back to being all serious again, and do your self-help 'homework'!...

Funny Text Messages

Funny text messages - what these free sms jokes say...

...And, as I was saying!, if these funny text messages make you giggle a little, or boost your happiness, then do get in touch and share your joy! Remember! It's good to smile! :-)

Oh, if you did just want to boost your self-esteem, or to be more assertive, or to manage your anger, or to get SMART with goal-setting or to focus on success - well you know what to do, don't you! Okay, bring on the sms jokes...

Boy: I am not rich like Raoul, I don't even have a big car like Raoul. But I really love you!
Girl: I love you too, but tell me more about Raoul..

~~~

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?

Pupil: A teacher.

Ouch! That pupil needs to read some of these inspirational teacher quotes I reckon!

~~~

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

~~~

We will now upgrade your brain, please wait... Searching...searching...still searching... Sorry, NO BRAIN found...!

~~~

It's important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you, a man who is great in the sack. It's also important that these 3 men should never meet!

~~~

Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!

~~~

A chrysanthemum by any other name
would be much easier to spell

~~~

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

~~~

Roses are red, violets are blue, most poems rhyme, but this one doesn't...

(And these inspirational poems don't all rhyme either!)

~~~

Always start your day with a lot of S E X
S-mile
E-nergy
X-citement
so make SEX a daily habit, & u'll always be SMILING!

(And smiling is good for you, I keep saying! Just like these funny text messages are good for you, too... ;-) )

~~~

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

(Hmm, some of these free funny sms seem to be spreading the wrong message. Oh dear! Think I need to share an antidote: a page showing how hard work, brain power and passion, can help now and in the future.

~~~

All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.

~~~

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

~~~

If I begin to procrastinate today instead of tomorrow, would that be considered self-improvement?

(Hah, nice try! If you're interested in finding about procrastination, today and not tomorrow, then I suggest you check out this page on procrastination at Hypnosis Downloads)

~~~

Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

~~~

A person who surrenders when he’s WRONG,
is HONEST.
A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE,
is WISE.
A person who surrenders even if he’s RIGHT,
is a HUSBAND!

Yep, a person who originally wrote this is a MAN! So, in the interests of fair play(!) some sms funny text about men... :-)

Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

~~~

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

(Ah, you can't beat these sms jokes can you, no matter how old they are!)

~~~

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

(Hah, but if you have strong self-esteem, you really feel okay about yourself no matter what, then who cares if someone is watching or not, eh!...

Check out Hypnosis Downloads' self-esteem page - if feeling okay like this is of interest to you.)

~~~

Those beautiful eyes, that incredible body, such a brain, a sexy mouth, nice smile .... but that's enough about me, tell me how you are?

(It's great to see someone happy with their body image is all I can say!)

~~~

At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex. 5 million people r drinking coffee. 100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text! Pass on bit.ly/funnysms

(Now that's what we want from our funny text messages, no? As long as it's us doing the sending of course!)

~~~

Hey friend remember that without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty
so the world needs YOU after all!

~~~

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $1.50 per minute

~~~

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing

~~~

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

(If you like these funny text messages and free sms jokes then you're bound to like these funny inspirational quotes too!)

~~~

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

(Er, moving on...)

~~~

Son asks diff btw Confidence and Confidential
Dad says, u are my son, I am Confident.
Ur friend is also my son, thats Confidential

(Or - and, shh, please keep this a secret! - you can find several pages on self confidence here!

~~~

What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

How do you save a man - the man who came up with that last joke - from drowning? Take yer foot off his head.

~~~

A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home."
I went over. Nobody was home

(Boom boom! ...Hey, what do you expect from free funny messages?

~~~

3 Facts of the world..
Fact 1: U cannot touch all ur teeth with ur tongue;
Fact 2: After reading the 1st fact..All fools try it!
Fact 3: Fact 1 is false.

And, finally, from the inane to the ridiculous...

What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.

Hey, that is ridiculous... Isn't it?

Funny text messages - what you say...

Me: Would you please share these funny sms with your friends?
You: Sure I will. Just as soon as u send $97 to my PayPal accnt

Seriously, it would be great if you shared your thoughts about these funny sms messages, if you spread the message...

Three other things you could do:

1. If you want to share these sms via text message then please add bit.ly/funnysms to your texts, too - the link redirects to https://www.selfhelpcollective.com/funny-text-messages.html, promise!)
   
   
2. If you want to send free sms text messages then please visit another one of my websites: TextMeFree.com (good for sending free sms jokes, too!)
   
   
3. If you want to read more funny inspirational quotes then please check out this page: funny inspirational quotes

Above all, though, remember boys and girls...

Laughter is a tranquillizer with no side effects.

:-)