"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)


Friends With Benefits? #2

by Eva
(USA)

Why does a man gently caress my face when making love?...

"Your Relationship Questions, Your Answers!"

QUESTION: Does my 'friends with benefits' love me?


MORE FROM Eva...

After seeing a man off and on for over 3 years, we decided to be friends with benefits, although he knows I am in love with him.

Recently he has begun to gently caress my face when making love.

Does this mean anything?...



STEVE'S ANSWER

"Life is the sum of all your choices."
-- Albert Camus

I was wondering whether or not to answer this question. But it raises some valid issues to do with so-called 'friends with benefits' so I decided to share what came to me as I read the question...


Eva, the key word in your question is 'making love'. You talk about this man 'making love' to you. And that's why he strokes your face, because he's 'making love'.

Now I can understand your concerns - more on that below - but, really, I think you ought to be concerned when your lover DOESN'T stroke your face like this whilst making love.


So onto the real issue here, for me: 'friends with benefits' (let me call it, FWB, for ease of typing).

If FWB works - and I have my doubts about the viability of any such arrangment, but that's just my opinion - then I think it ONLY works:
* If both involved in 'friends with benefits' are in it for the same reason: friendly, and maybe loving, but ultimately un-committed sex - no more, no less!

Now you say you are in love with this man! You just can't do 'Friends With Benefits' if one person loves the other, you just can't!

I'm sorry. This is just asking for trouble. Thinking that the act of uncommitted love-making might 'heal' or 'help' a troubled relationship is just asking for trouble.

And, in your case, 'trouble' comes with a confusion over what his 'loving caress' during love-making means. "Might he love me?", you're wondering, "Might our relationship work?"

Now these are valid questions, absolutely, just as is the question why did your relationship break up so often in the past, but the way to answer these questions is NOT via a 'friends with benefits' situation.

I hope you can see this for yourself, I really do...

So ask this man these questions, directly. You ARE friends, after all, and friends ask questions about their friendship.

And then consider these 3 questions:

Fundamentally, where is this relationship with this man taking you? Do you think you are going to get what you want from him? Or is it time to let go of him, so you can allow what you want (with another) into your life?

These are questions you need to answer for yourself, and then act accordingly.

Anyone else got words of wisdom for Eva? Please comment below!


NOTE: I've created a relationships ebook called "Top 10 Relationship Questions... Answered" that aims to help anyone in a romantic relationship - whether it's to start/end a relationship, or to learn how to trust in a relationship, or even how to deal with a controlling relationship.

And the answers in the ebook I provide (based on questions asked in the Relationship Advice Forum) help you find your answers, in your own unique relationships. I recommend it, but then I would say that wouldn't I! Find out more here...

Steve
(Dec 1st, 2015)

 

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