"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)


Friend or More?

by Ganesh
(India)

I'm looking for some online relationship advice about me and my girl friend (who has a boyfriend). We are very close. We flirt with each other a lot, lots of friendly touching and everything. But I want more from her, but not sure if it's appropriate to kiss her. Please help!...

"Relationships Q&A with You, Me and Paula Renaye"

QUESTION: Should I Ask This Girl Out, or Not?...


MORE FROM Ganesh...

I am single, not very sociable, and have few friends. I've had 1 proper relationship which ended badly. After that its been my normal self: the same, single, not very social guy.

So, a girl lives opposite my place for the past 2 years. We've been close friends - she has been very nice to me, and me to her, and I do things for her that normally no-one else would.

She has a boyfriend.

I like her a lot, but sometimes I don't know if it's 'love' or 'like'. I think about her most of the time, but I don't know if its the same with her.


Sometimes she doesn't talk to me at all and suddenly she talks very well with me. The main problem is only recent.

For the past 6 months we have been getting very close, like when the both of us are alone we literally can't keep our hands off each other.

She hugs me a lot, plays with my hair, cheek, nose etc..

And she would lie down on the bed with me, cuddle with me, bring her face close to mine, bite me... all these flirtish things, but nothing sexual like touching inappropriate places.


So she has a boyfriend with whom she has a proper relationship with, but still she does these things with me.

Does this mean anything?

Surely we are not just close friends now. During those cuddling times sometimes I want to kiss her so much but should I do it? Will it be inappropriate if I do it? Is this how close friends normally are, teasing cuddling and all?

This problem has been consuming me and is killing me. Please help me. I beg you.



STEVE'S ANSWER

"Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?"
-- Unknown

Ganesh, I feel for you I really do. So many mixed signals here, from your 'friend'. Or are these signals mixed? Does your friend want you to make a move on her, to kiss her? Or... is your friend simply enjoying having a boyfriend, and what that gives her, and having you as a friend (and what that gives her)?

The main problem here, to me, is that you seem to be displaying signs of low self esteem; i.e. you seem afraid to ask for what you want, in case you offend (in this case, the girl).

Life is about risk-taking, Ganesh, and you are not taking any risks in this situation at all. So my advice to you is this:
  • Ask for what you want

  • Tell this girl how you feel, and that you'd like her to be your girlfriend

  • Tell her that if she doesn't want this that she has to stop being 'flirtish' like this

  • Accept the fact that she might not want to be your friend, OR... she might want to be your girlfriend.
This situation is only going to change, for the positive and for your benefit, IF you take some action to change it.

Good luck


Comments for Friend or More?

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Thanks
by: Ganesh

Thanks a lot man.. This is what i wanted to hear. Will move forward with her and see how it goes :)

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