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What to Do with... Fear of Rejection?

"...to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat." So says Sylvester Stallone, that famous Hollywood bugle player!

And Amir Rimer, the dating women guru, believes that this fear is a part of you and not something to be avoided or overcome, but something to simply be aware of, instead.

And I believe this rejection fear - one of the most common fears, by the way - is almost like a fear of life, itself.

How about you? What are your thoughts on rejection fear? Contact us and share your views.

Fear of rejection

Fear of rejection - what I say...

Okay, first thing I want to say to the women readers of this page is that I've included a link to an article called "Understanding Your Fear of Rejection When Trying to Pick Up Women" written by dating guru Amir Rimer (see recommended resources, below).

Now I've included this link, not because I want to help men 'pick up women', but because it discusses the psychology (or is it physiology?) behind the rejection fear that ALL (men and women) can learn from.

As Amir Rimer says in his article - on what is one of the top 10 fears for both men and women - this is an 'illogical physiological fear' NOT the 'protecting mechanism of your body which protects you from non-existence' (or, in plainer speak, this is NOT the useful mechanism that prevents you from being run over by the number 55 bus!).

In fact Amir lays the blame to this fear at our thoughts: 'our thoughts are our enemy'. And who can argue with that, eh!

Okay, the worst thing about fear of rejection is quite often you focus so much time on this deepest fear that it quite literally stops you from doing; e.g.

• It stops you from talking to that interesting woman (or man) at the party
  
  
• It stops you from standing up and sharing your opinion within the group
  
  
• It stops you from asking your boss for a deserved pay rise

In short, rejection fear stops you 'asking' for anything.

So you can see why one of the most common fears is, at best, a hindrance to all of us - at least the way that we currently allow rejection fear to limit our lives.

Okay let's look at what really happens when you get rejected!

Hmm, well... I guess it's embarrassing to say the least when a woman rejects your advances (or when a man says 'no thanks'), and you might feel awkward when the boss gives you lots of great reasons why now is not the time for a pay-rise. And...

And? And this rejection is usually nothing much worse than that, if truth be told. If truth be told it's not long before we can laugh at the embarrassing situation with 'X', when you got turned down badly. (I know that I have a few 'horror stories' that I am more than happy to smile at, now.)

In fact, I actually think that 'rejection' is frightening because we don't face up to our deepest fear enough.

Maybe we should all expose ourselves to that feeling of 'rejection' once a week so that we become blasé (and bored) of the fear of rejection. I'm sure the experiences would prove instructional - "Hmm, I wonder why I got rejected this time?" - and this fear would soon stop being one our top 10 fears.

Obviously, nobody wants to get rejected all of the time - and I'm not advocating that, either. No, with rejection comes a new insight that can be turned into growth and into success.

So, with rejection comes growth. With rejection comes humility. And with rejection comes opportunity.

So, really, when we fear rejection, we're actually fearing change. And when we fear change, we fear life!

So fear of rejection is fear of life! And, hey, nobody wants to be frightened of life, do they?

So I say accept rejection - face up to it, get comfortable with it, learn from it (and forget overcoming fear of rejection) - and accept life.

To borrow an expression from highly regarded spiritual teacher Guy Finley:

"WANT WHAT LIFE WANTS".

So 'stuff' happens. And with our fears of rejection, commitment, intimacy, success, failure we try to limit and control the impact of this 'stuff' - but we shouldn't. Instead, we should all embrace life - the ups and downs, because that's what life is. Isn't it?

I guess my somewhat elongated thoughts are summed up quite nicely by this fear quote:

"It is not rejection itself that people fear, it is the possible
consequences of rejection. Preparing to accept those
consequences and viewing rejection as a learning experience
that will bring you closer to success, will not only help you to
conquer the fear of rejection, but help you to appreciate rejection itself."
-- Bo Bennett

Yes, next time I'll just get Bo Bennett to have his say. It will save us all a lot of time, eh!

Fear of rejection - what these recommended resources say...

Some might argue that rejection fear is one of our deepest fears and needs to be overcome. Others, me included, think that this fear should be embraced. And maybe overcoming and embracing are one and the same thing.

All I know is that the following resources WILL help you turn this fear into a positive force in your life:

• Self-Hypnosis and rejection fear
  Overcome rejection fear by self-hypnosis at hypnosisdownloads.com - a respected hypnosis downloads site, online since 1998
  
  
• Meditation and fear
  Use meditation to quiet the mind and overcome fear - just provide your email address to access this free meditation resource

And here's that article by Amir Rimer (as mentioned above) that discusses rejection fear when it comes to picking women up

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