I don't think you can know too much about developing assertiveness, whoever
you are
... it's such an important life skill, after all.
Just
think about the people you admire - the people with lots of friends, or successful
people or plain happy folk - they usually get their way, or are okay when they
don't.
And you rarely see them lose their cool.
Appropriate assertiveness
starts with understanding what assertiveness is - and it's explained quite simply
below in the YouTube video.
Assertiveness training, assertiveness inventory,
assertiveness skills - all are covered, I think.
Developing Assertiveness - what
I say...
As I've already said, assertiveness
has not been my strong point in the past and I'm as eager to learn how
to develop assertiveness as you might be. So I shall simply say that Michael's
assertiveness article is thought-provoking.
However, if you'd like some more concrete
examples of assertiveness - what
assertiveness is, what aggressiveness is, and how to develop assertiveness
etc - then take a quick look at this video by TheInternetTherapist.com.
It's very informative indeed...
(Note: You might recognise [insert
name of annoying person you know] here, but you might also recognise yourself
too (I certainly recognised myself)... )
Oh, and I'd prefer it,
naturally - as a developing assertiveness exercise - if you'd be assertive (rather
than passive aggressive, or aggressive) when you did so! :-) )
Okay, now it's time for Michael and his developing assertiveness
article...
How To Assert Yourself And Avoid Conflict
Developing
Assertiveness - what Michael Lee has to say...
Being assertive is good.
It allows you to get your point across in a way that is better remembered by the
other party because of the intensity of the emotion that is associated with it.
However, assertiveness can also be a pitfall when overdone. While it can seal
deals, it also has the power to destroy relationships and potential business opportunities.
How, then, can you assert yourself without being too pushy or annoying?
Here
are some tips you might want to keep in mind the next time you try to calmly convince
someone to see your side of the story.
Don't Bulldoze Your Listener
What
is bulldozing? In sales, it is referred to as the act of drowning the prospective
clients in figures and facts in order to confuse them to eventual submission.
Keep in mind that the only way the other party will accept your idea is when they
have decided that they want it. People who have given in to your bulldozing will
do so only at first, but will eventually try to get out of the situation, be it
after a few minutes or after a few days. You must be able to know how to read
body language in order to decipher if a certain action is appropriate for the
situation.
Nevertheless, if you want to be an effective and truly
successful persuader, you want others to willingly agree with you, not because
you almost forced them unwillingly to do something or left them with no other
choice. If you are at a debate, this is fine. You are trained to tear the other
person's statements apart. However, in a normal conversation, this is a major
blunder.
"A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still,"
as the saying goes. This means that while you may have succeeded in getting others
person to give their agreement forcibly, they will still maintain their original
ideas. If you try to make them cooperate with you thereafter, expect that it is
going to be difficult.
What should you do then? Try to make your idea attractive
to the other party so that they would be more willing to submit to it. You can
do so by first acknowledging the merits of their points and then outlining your
merits. Do not make a comparison that is based on just the negative aspects. You
will appear to be discrediting the other person; this is not good.
Be
Patient And Try To Avoid Clashes
The professional persuader is never
overeager; he always moves steadily and carefully towards his goal, and avoids
getting into situations that would result in idea collisions. He is sensitive
enough to watch out for emotional or psychological taboos and avoids them at all
costs.
How can you do this? First, do not take sides. Try to be open to
all ideas that are placed on the table and consider each one's merits meticulously
before you move on to pursuing your selection. Actually, you don't really need
to focus on one concept alone. When you study everything that's suggested, you
will find that you can make appropriate changes and combine all their positive
aspects to arrive at something that is agreeable to everyone involved.
The
key to being effectively assertive is to keep an open mind. If you simply stick
to what is in your head and work endlessly at seeing it through in 100% state
to the end, do not expect to enjoy the ride. You will lose friendships, you will
lose confidence, and you will lose the drive, eventually. Assertiveness is good
when used the right way, which is the professional and balanced way. If you try
to use your assertive skills to force people to your side, there is no way you
will truly succeed.
