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The meaning of happiness? Ah, the age-old 'definition of happiness'
question - not quite as tough as the 'meaning of life' question (answer: 42*)
but nearly. So, how to define happiness - a true, authentic
happiness. Well, there is a WikiPedia definition (and thousand of other
happiness definitions, like it) and then there is your definition - and, I believe,
it is your definition that really counts. To get you started,
Elaine Sihera can help you define happiness for yourself in her 'what is happiness
article'. Elaine proclaims that happiness is not a destination, it's a
state of mind and I think I agree. (Do you?) Charles Spurgeon says, "It
is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness. " (Find
more happiness quotations here!) And Steve
M Nash - that's me, by the way - thinks that happiness is in the eye of the
beholder (together with beauty, truth, reality etc.).
Could we all be right?
Do get involved and let us know your thoughts - thanks.
The
definition of happiness - what I say...Okay, my definition of happiness?
I don't really have one.
Just like I can't tell you how great it is
to feel the sunshine on my face or how wonderful it is to kiss your lover or how
great it is to relax in your favourite chair (and not feel like you should be
doing something else). Happiness just is, in my opinion, happiness means the same thing as authentic happiness, and the
moment you start to define happiness,
or to describe the keys to happiness, then that's the moment you're in
pursuit of happiness and, importantly, you're not happy. In my humble opinion,
of course.
Maybe happiness is feeling humble? Maybe that's a definition
of happiness? Maybe it's about having a heightened sense of self-esteem
and confidence and letting go of fear,
as Happiness
Now believes. (Maybe you know better about happiness and are prepared
to say so. Do so here: what is happiness to
you?) Thankfully, you don't just have to listen to my humble opinion
here. I've enlisted Elaine Sihera to tell us what she thinks about happiness (see
below) and I'd like to now comment on what she thinks happiness is all about.
Firstly, even though I've never met Elaine, I think she's 'fabulous'. Elaine
knows stuff, see - useful self-help stuff - and she knows how to express
herself, clearly. And I have personally contacted Elaine by email (to get her
to agree to sharing more of her opinions here) - I found her to be friendly, modest and above
all professional. What I'm trying to say is that I am a fan
of Elaine Sihera! I love reading her self-help views, and her definition of
happiness is no exception. So Elaine says that happiness comes from loving
your self and is not derived from someone else's love of you (the so-called 'someone
to complete me' syndrome). I agree. I also think that happiness is not
sought - I explain more on the art of happiness
page - and it is not decided by your circumstances, either. Elaine uses the expression,
'happiness is a state of mind based on our sense of worth'. Hallelujah! Elaine's
a happy woman. She describes herself as "Sixty, Sexy, Savvy and Soaring!"
- so clearly happiness is not about being young, at least to Elaine. (And I've
never been happier, as you'll see on this happiness
survey page - despite some recent personal setbacks!) But you, of course,
are free to disagree with anything you read on this website. As long as you do
it happily, eh! ;-) Yes, as always, I'd love to
hear your opinions. Okay, over to Elaine...
What is Happiness?The
definition of happiness - what Elaine Sihera has to say...I once told
a fellow whom I loved that his love for me was the icing on the cake, but the
love for myself was the cake itself! I was supremely happy with me as I was, and
any other attention, though most welcomed, I regarded mainly as a bonus, not the
main course. He was rather surprised by my statement, interpreting it that I didn't
really love him, but it was actually the opposite. I was able to love him lots
through loving me first. I didn't always feel like this. My self-love has
been a gradual and painful process. Loving myself as I do, I could appreciate
him as a whole being with all his faults and facets and allow space for us both
to develop as individuals and as a couple. If I were expecting his love to make
me happy, we wouldn't really last too long because one or both of us would gradually
become dependent upon the other, clinging like limpets for our happiness until
the relationship becomes claustrophobic or the victim of resentment and jealousy. Someone
To Complete Us I have noticed that too many people seeking partners
tend to say that they are seeking someone to 'make' them 'laugh' or to 'make'
them 'happy'. Yet every relationship should have two 100% whole people, not two
halves seeking someone else to complete them! We are all seeking happiness of
one kind or another. That is essential to our well being. But that vague, yet
important, state of existence - happiness - which we often associate with people
and material things, appears to be the bane of our lives. We never seem to have
enough happiness at all. It seems to be always elusive, even when we actually
possess everything we desire. But no one, or any external thing, can ever make
us truly happy because happiness is not a destination which we work towards.
We cannot postpone happiness until we get that new job, that new house or that
new man or woman. Happiness is a state of mind based on our sense of
worth; a feeling which we generate whenever we wish according to the level
of self-love we possess and the positivity in our lives. If we feel great, we
are unstoppable. It takes little to make us happy because happiness becomes integral
to our lives. We feel good about ourselves so we feel good about others and our
world. If we feel little love for ourselves, especially when we have not been
treated appreciatively, or with any value in our lives, happiness will continue
to elude us. We will always feel cheated in some way - unwanted, insignificant
and excluded. Happiness is the greatest indicator that we are happy with
our bodies, identities and progress. We tend to see the world as a 'challenge'
as opposed to it being a 'problem'. Others can share that happiness, perhaps enhance
it in some way, or even reduce it temporarily, but they cannot create or maintain
it for us. Only we can do that. We have to feel happy in the first place; we have
to be able to possess that happiness before someone else can share it. Misery
Forever That is why people who tend to be the misery type remain like
that forever, even if they feel momentarily 'happy' through an external source.
Such a state is not permanent because it is not based on self love. It is generated
by someone else. So when that person withdraws, the pain of rejection becomes
doubly hard to bear and even confirms our 'unwanted' state. As soon as there is
a problem, or the honeymoon stage is over, we slip back into the old ways of sadness
or complaining because unhappy people are usually unhappy with themselves and
their world. They will remain in that state forever if they do not make a
serious effort to change from within and recognize the magnificent unique individuals
they are.
How do you feel inside you today? Is your happiness dependent
upon someone else's attention or behavior? Does it depend on the next event or
the next exciting possession? Or is that actually masking what would really make
you happy?
----------------------------------------------------
© Elaine Sihera (Author) - article reprinted with permission
ELAINE
SIHERA is a Personal Empowerment, Relationships and Diversity Consultant. Author
of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully; 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your
Ideal Soulmate!; Money, Sex & Compromise and Managing the Diversity Maze,
among others.
Elaine's books are available on Amazon
UK
& Amazon.com
The definition of
happiness - what Happiness Now says...
HappinessNow's definition of happiness is about enjoying
higher self-esteem, embracing fantastic relationships, and uncovering the real
you.
Hmm, and I am paraphrasing here, it's also about using the simple but powerful
Happiness Now technique to enable you to access this form of happiness. Learn more about this Happiness Now technique here!
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