The definition of happiness is self-love and acceptance. Or is there more to it?...   

Definition of Happiness

The meaning of happiness? Ah, the age-old 'definition of happiness' question - not quite as tough as the 'meaning of life' question (answer: 42*) but nearly. So, how to define happiness - a true, authentic happiness then.

Well, there is a WikiPedia definition (and thousand of other happiness definitions, like it) and then there is your definition - and, I believe, it is your definition that really counts. To get you started, Elaine Sihera can help you define happiness for yourself in her 'what is happiness article'. Elaine proclaims that happiness is not a destination, it's a state of mind and I think I agree. (Do you?)

Charles Spurgeon says, "It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness. " (Find more happiness quotations here!)

And Steve M Nash - that's me, by the way - thinks that happiness is in the eye of the beholder (together with beauty, truth, reality etc.).

Could we all be right? Do let us know what your definition of happiness is - thanks.

The definition of happiness - what WikiPedia has to say...

"Happiness is an emotional state that is characterized by feelings of enjoyment, pleasure, and satisfaction."

Ah, yes, of course that's what the definition of happiness is. We've all been silly worrying about this happiness word, we really have. :-)

Trouble is, WikiPedia then gets very, very technical in its definition of happiness. It all starts fine, with these words, "Happiness is an emotion associated with feelings ranging from contentment and satisfaction to bliss and intense joy.", but then it goes all 'theoretical framework' on us and the eyes start to glaze over (well my eyes did).

See for yourself, here - WikiPedia's definition of happiness!

(*) WikiPedia also has the meaning of life answered too (answer: 42). How accommodating! :-)

The definition of happiness - what I say...

Okay, my definition of happiness? I don't really have one. Just like I can't tell you how great it is to feel the sunshine on my face or how wonderful it is to kiss your lover or how great it is to relax in your favourite chair (and not feel like you should be doing something else). Happiness just is, in my opinion, and the moment you start to define happiness, or to describe the keys to happiness, then that's the moment you're in pursuit of happiness and, importantly, you're not happy. In my humble opinion, of course.

Thankfully, you don't just have to listen to my humble opinion here. I've enlisted Elaine Sihera to tell us what she thinks about happiness (see below) and I'd like to now comment on what she thinks happiness is all about.

Firstly, even though I've never met Elaine, I think she's 'fabulous'. Elaine knows stuff, see - useful self-help stuff - and she knows how to express herself, clearly. And I have personally contacted Elaine by email (to get her to agree to sharing more of her opinions on The Self Help Collective website) - I found her to be friendly, modest and above all professional (she's a published self-help author don't know!).

What I'm trying to say is that I am a fan of Elaine Sihera! I love reading her self-help views, and her definition of happiness is no exception.

So Elaine says that happiness comes from loving your self and is not derived from someone else's love of you (the so-called 'someone to complete me' syndrome). I agree.

I also think that happiness is not sought - I explain more on the art of happiness page - and it is not decided by your circumstances, either. Elaine uses the expression, 'happiness is a state of mind based on our sense of worth'. Hallelujah!

Elaine's a happy woman. She describes herself as "Sixty, Sexy, Savvy and Soaring!" - so clearly happiness is not about being young, at least to Elaine. (And I've never been happier, as you'll see on this happiness survey page - despite some recent personal setbacks!)

But you, of course, are free to disagree with anything you read on this website. As always, I'd love to hear your opinions.

Okay, over to Elaine...

What is Happiness?

The definition of happiness - what Elaine Sihera has to say...

I once told a fellow whom I loved that his love for me was the icing on the cake, but the love for myself was the cake itself! I was supremely happy with me as I was, and any other attention, though most welcomed, I regarded mainly as a bonus, not the main course. He was rather surprised by my statement, interpreting it that I didn't really love him, but it was actually the opposite. I was able to love him lots through loving me first.

I didn't always feel like this. My self-love has been a gradual and painful process. Loving myself as I do, I could appreciate him as a whole being with all his faults and facets and allow space for us both to develop as individuals and as a couple. If I were expecting his love to make me happy, we wouldn't really last too long because one or both of us would gradually become dependent upon the other, clinging like limpets for our happiness until the relationship becomes claustrophobic or the victim of resentment and jealousy.

Someone To Complete Us

I have noticed that too many people seeking partners tend to say that they are seeking someone to 'make' them 'laugh' or to 'make' them 'happy'. Yet every relationship should have two 100% whole people, not two halves seeking someone else to complete them! We are all seeking happiness of one kind or another. That is essential to our well being. But that vague, yet important, state of existence - happiness - which we often associate with people and material things, appears to be the bane of our lives. We never seem to have enough happiness at all. It seems to be always elusive, even when we actually possess everything we desire. But no one, or any external thing, can ever make us truly happy because happiness is not a destination which we work towards. We cannot postpone happiness until we get that new job, that new house or that new man or woman.

Happiness is a state of mind based on our sense of worth; a feeling which we generate whenever we wish according to the level of self-love we possess and the positivity in our lives. If we feel great, we are unstoppable. It takes little to make us happy because happiness becomes integral to our lives. We feel good about ourselves so we feel good about others and our world. If we feel little love for ourselves, especially when we have not been treated appreciatively, or with any value in our lives, happiness will continue to elude us. We will always feel cheated in some way - unwanted, insignificant and excluded.

Happiness is the greatest indicator that we are happy with our bodies, identities and progress. We tend to see the world as a 'challenge' as opposed to it being a 'problem'. Others can share that happiness, perhaps enhance it in some way, or even reduce it temporarily, but they cannot create or maintain it for us. Only we can do that. We have to feel happy in the first place; we have to be able to possess that happiness before someone else can share it.

Misery Forever

That is why people who tend to be the misery type remain like that forever, even if they feel momentarily 'happy' through an external source. Such a state is not permanent because it is not based on self love. It is generated by someone else. So when that person withdraws, the pain of rejection becomes doubly hard to bear and even confirms our 'unwanted' state. As soon as there is a problem, or the honeymoon stage is over, we slip back into the old ways of sadness or complaining because unhappy people are usually unhappy with themselves and their world. They will remain in that state forever if they do not make a serious effort to change from within and recognize the magnificent unique individuals they are.

How do you feel inside you today? Is your happiness dependent upon someone else's attention or behavior? Does it depend on the next event or the next exciting possession? Or is that actually masking what would really make you happy?

How HAPPY are YOU? Try our simple HAPPINESS QUIZ to test how you feel about yourself just now. Being unhappy robs you of opportunities and success. How do you REALLY feel now?

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©Elaine Sihera (Author) - article reprinted with permission

ELAINE SIHERA is a Personal Empowerment, Relationships and Diversity Consultant. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully; 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate!; Money, Sex & Compromise and Managing the Diversity Maze, among others (available on http://www.amazon.co.uk as well as her personal website)

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