Complicated Boy-Girl Stuff!
This boy I really like seems to like me back, but never enough to actually go out with me and I'm a bit confused. What should I do?...
"Relationships Q&A with You, Me and Paula Renaye"
QUESTION: I'm Not Sure What To Do Anymore!... MORE FROM Anon...
When I was in high school I met this guy that I really liked. I asked him to the prom and he said he would never be allowed to go with me because I was white and he was not. He told me he really liked me though. The day of the prom he showed up with someone of a different race who he claimed to be his girlfriend. I don't know why he lied to me. He should have just said he had a girlfriend. Eventually (after like a few weeks) he broke up with her.
Now we go to the same college. This guy hangs out a lot with me and seems really interested. The problem I have is, he'll say something like, "When I get married, I want to marry someone like you." But, at the same time he will be in a relationship with someone else. His relationships do not last long at all (like 2 months at most). When I am with him, he often brings up an ex or some girl he dated. I have known him for 2 years now but he won't ever date me but he'll talk about marriage. However, the girls he knows for a couple of days he will date.
This is killing me because I don't know if I should even bother caring about him because of all the stuff he did before or not. I guess what I am really asking is for an opinion on whether I should even bother trying to talk to him. It seems like every time I want to try to make us more than friends, I get hurt, more specifically, by him.
What should I do? I'm so lost. I don't even know if he just plain doesn't like me but doesn't have the guts to tell me off...
STEVE'S ANSWER"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."
An anonymous response to a question posed anonymously! Nice.
Actually, this is a tricky situation you find yourself in, Anon, and one that many would struggle with. The best
way to deal with this is honestly and openly - simply tell this person how you feel, how frustrated you are that he says one thing (about you) but does another (dates others), and give him the opportunity to respond likewise.
He may well be surprised by your thoughts about him.
He may well have been frightened to approach you.
Or he might just enjoy 'messing you about'.
In any case, if you respond in a mature and adult way he can do so too. Let's hope he does, but if he doesn't - if he carries on saying one thing and doing another - well that's when you need to decide what's important to you, and whether this is the type of friendship you want in your life...
NOTE: I've created a relationships ebook called "Top 10 Relationship Questions... Answered" that aims to help anyone in a romantic relationship - whether it's to start/end a relationship, or to learn how to trust in a relationship, or even how to deal with a controlling relationship.
And the answers in the ebook I provide (based on questions asked in the Relationship Advice Forum) help you find your answers, in your own unique relationships. I recommend it, but then I would say that wouldn't I! Find out more here...
(Dec 1st, 2015)