Classic Boy Meet Girl STUFF!
by Jacob P.
I really like this girl, and she likes me - but we're just friends, even though we love each other and say so. I'd like more, but the girl says to 'cool it'. But when I do, she wonders where I've gone, and gets annoyed. What to do?...
"Relationships Q&A with You, Me and Paula Renaye"
QUESTION: Does She Still Like Me, and What Should I Do?... MORE FROM Jacob...
Hello. I am in a somewhat complicated situation with this girl.
We started off as friends, and eventually we grew closer and closer, but just as friends. A few months later, she told me that she liked me and I went along and said I liked her too. Then we'd spend time together, flirt together, hold hands, go places, say we love each other, and the like.
A few months later, she kissed me (like a short peck). Then she ignored me for a week, and later told me that she "didn't feel the spark." On the other hand, I had never kissed anyone before so it wasn't expected to be so good either.
She also said that she didn't want to be the "teacher" and me the "shy guy," and that she didn't like "stringing me along." And she told me to give her "space," which I did to some extent.
Since then, we went on being just friends, and time passed (two months) and we became best friends again.
Problem is that I never got over her, and I still like her. My friends told me to ignore her for a while, and after two days she started going crazy, asking everyone where I went (I WAS avoiding her). After a week I talked to her again. At first she was angry, but then I explained how I was busy (which I was). Then she told me how she missed me, and how she felt anxious without me, and how I thought she wanted some "space," and she said that that was what she wanted but she got lonely.
And then we started flirting with each other again, and everything was like what it was before we kissed several months earlier. But she never said she liked me. However, she did ask me what I would do if she told me she liked me again. And then we started saying we loved each other again (as friends). But the next day I talked to her again, but with no flirting or anything, as if everything was back to after we kissed. I'd love to get her as my girlfriend...
I just don't know how.
Long story, isn't it? And missing some pieces... But it's basically what happened. I do like her, but does she like me? When I'm not around she wants me around a lot, but when I'm with her she questions why I follow her a lot.
STEVE'S ANSWER:"Difficulties mastered are opportunities won."
-- Winston ChurchillYou have no idea how much it pains me to say this to you
, Jacob, but I believe this is what you (and I) must do if we are to have successful romantic relationships with women: YOU MUST LEAD
So far, everything you talk about is of the vein, "she did this and I followed". Now, whether your girl understands this or not, boy-girl relationships work best when it's the reverse, i.e. it's the girl saying "he did this, and I followed".
So what must you do?
Simply, you must say what you want, and why
; you must stop following, start leading. And if she says 'no' respect that answer, and respect yourself, and find someone who will say yes to what you want (so leave her alone, so she understands what saying 'no' means).
Now Jacob I am told, wherever I read, that problems come with solutions waiting for us to embrace them. So please realise that this IS a great problem you have right now
and once you understand the solution, put it into practice, it WILL greatly enhance how you relate romantically to women for the rest of your life!
Believe me I am still struggling with this aged 47, but it's about leading.
"Lead, lead, lead!"
Good luck to you, because I can tell that this doesn't come naturally to you. You CAN do it, though, just as I can
NOTE: I've created a relationships ebook called "Top 10 Relationship Questions... Answered" that aims to help anyone in a romantic relationship - whether it's to start/end a relationship, or to learn how to trust in a relationship, or even how to deal with a controlling relationship.
And the answers in the ebook I provide (based on questions asked in the Relationship Advice Forum) help you find your answers, in your own unique relationships. I recommend it, but then I would say that wouldn't I! Find out more here...
(Dec 1st, 2015)