"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)


Christian and Non Christian Relationship

by Dean Glover
(Exeter)

Can a relationship work between Christian and non-Christian? I love this woman, but I believe her Christian faith might get in the way of our relationship. Help, please...


"Relationships Q&A with You, Me and Paula Renaye"

QUESTION: Can It Work Between Christian and non-Christian?...


MORE FROM DEAN...

Hi there, never done this before but I really want some help and to find out how I can make things work etc.

I have been dating my partner for 7 months now - she is very much a Christian (I am not), and I have supported her in this and encouraged her in this matter. We got together because I helped her out with a very bad thing that happened to her, where everyone just brushed it aside or was just after gossip - I listened and talked to her; I helped her, we got closer and closer and then fell in love.

Her dad is a Pastor and obviously didn't agree with the relationship, which I can understand.

She recently went on a camp thing and is staying with a Christian family to decide her future. Until a little while ago we were going to get back together and plan our future lives together, but she is now stuck with her religion and isn't sure about returning.

I need to support her decision and be there for her whatever she decides. I don't want a broken relationship; I want to know can a relationship between a Christian and non Christian work? How can I help her with her faith? Family?

She does love me and have we have a great relationship. We have talked about marriage/family and so on. She's spending a lot of time in church and seeing Christian families. I like the ideas of how Christians bring their children up and expressed this. But I'm the sort of person who doesn't really believe what I can't see; I am willing to learn.

Any advice would be great. This girl is everything to me...

Dean







STEVE'S ANSWER:

"We may not say that we have the answers. Questions of how to conduct oneself as a Christian, or how to serve as a Christian, must be answered by life itself - the life of the individual in his direct responsible relationship to God."
-- Elisabeth Elliot

I have some questions for you, Dean, that come to my mind as I read your question, and how you relate the particular circumstances:
  • What is important to YOU?
  • Would you really be prepared to believe something (anything) - compromise yourself, possibly! - just so you can be with a woman you love?
  • (And do you really believe that this is what the teachings of Jesus Christ is about?)

I ask these questions because you seem to describe the relationship from every one else's perspective other than your own. You think it's perfectly understandable, for example, that the father should not like your relationship, whereas I question the value this person puts on 'love', real love.

Would the pastor prefer his daughter wed a Christian, and possibly be unhappy, rather than wed the man she loves?

Now I am not a Christian myself, but I do know that some Christians take some parts of the bible more literally than others do. So I know of Christians that marry non-Christians, and I also know of relationships that have floundered because of this Christian/non-Christian issue. It is down to the individuals concerned, it really is.

How important is it, for example, for this woman to receive the blessings of her father (a pastor)? How necessary is it for HER that you become a Christian? And, finally, how readily is this woman prepared to live her life by (what I'm going to call) 'other people's values'?

As I say I am no Christian, so I may well be speaking out of turn here, but I seriously doubt that God would want the true love you talk of to be 'blocked' this way. (Though I do acknowledge that to some - whether Christian or not - the 'how' is more important than the 'why'.)

So I applaud you for expressing your heartfelt concerns here, so straightforwardly and lovingly, and I wish you well with whatever eventuality comes your way.

Steve


NOTE: I've created a relationships ebook called "Top 10 Relationship Questions... Answered" that aims to help anyone in a romantic relationship - whether it's to start/end a relationship, or to learn how to trust in a relationship, or even how to deal with a controlling relationship.

And the answers in the ebook I provide (based on questions asked in the Relationship Advice Forum) help you find your answers, in your own unique relationships. I recommend it, but then I would say that wouldn't I! Find out more here...

Steve
(Dec 1st, 2015)

 

Comments for Christian and Non Christian Relationship

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Keep in Mind...
by: Anonymous

Hi there. Just wanted to share from another perspective. I am a Christian and I know that most Christians are taught to marry believers. It is actually suggested in the Bible.

If she seems hesitant at this point, that very well may be the cause. If you are open and willing to learn more about Christianity, I Would think that would ease her mind on the matter a good deal. Learn what you can about Christianity and her faith and see if it's something you would be comfortable being involved in for a lifetime, if that's where you would like to see yourself with her. Good luck sir. :)

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