"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)


Cheated On Boyfriend...

by Holly M
(Atlanta GA, USA)

I have a question about restoring trust in relationships - I cheated on my boyfriend, and I want him to trust me again. But so far he can't (1 year later), and it's spoiling our relationship...

"Relationships Q&A with You, Me and Paula Renaye"

QUESTION: How Can I Get My Boyfriend To Trust Me Again?...


MORE FROM Holly...

How do I get my boyfriend to trust me again after I cheated on him?

He chose to stay with me after a lot of convincing, but ever since he has become so insecure in a way that he is always thinking I am talking to another guy...

I feel like I made such a huge mistake and I felt like I deserved the treatment, but it is a year later now and I still deal with the controlling stress that he always thinks I am cheating.

Should I end it, or is there hope?

Thanks for any answers you have for me
Holly M



STEVE'S ANSWER

"People generally [don't] cheat in good relationships."
-- Emily Giffin, Something Blue

I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Yes, it was a situation of your making (clearly) but *some* of the responsibility lies with the state of the relationship also. Anyway, you are where you are...

The first thing that came to my mind as I read your relationship question, was for you to simply (and lovingly) put this exact question to your boyfriend.

Simply share how your experience is now and ask him, honestly, if he is able to forgive and let the relationship become something better than it is. Tell him if he can't then the relationship will have to end.

He might be able to do this - it might require some effort (courage) on his part - and he might not. But now he seems to be saying he can 'deal' but his actions towards you say otherwise.

And perhaps you ought to be really honest with yourself, also, as to why you cheated on him in the first place. (Did it have anything to do with low self-esteem in you perhaps? Or was something not right in your relationship?...)

So, all in all, I think what's needed is genuine, loving, and open-hearted honesty between you both, and see where your communications take you.

(And I recommend you being open to starting anew, and ending the relationship. Because whatever happens next, at least you'll both know that you were able to be honest with each other.)

Good luck Holly, and thanks for sharing, and if anyone else has got an opinion - please share!


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