How To 'Win' with Assertive
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55% of your communication comes from your body! ...Yep, and 38%
comes from the tone, speed and inflection of your voice. That leaves a
measly 7% for what you actually say. So you can see assertiveness
(or any other form of effective
communication) requires that you understand how this so-called secret language
works too. Thankfully, for both you and I, there are some great resources
below - including an article by Michael Lee - which discuss reading, understanding
and interpreting the signs of this secret language. And YouTube contributes
with some videos, too. (Which is nice!) So, without further ado, I shall
begin... (Er, would you mind uncrossing those arms first! Thanks ;-) )
Body language - what I say..."Body talk" - and how it
works - is not my strong point! Let me admit that, right now. And this is so much
the case so that when I was in my twenties, a good woman friend of mine at the
time - Liza - bought me a book on the subject for Christmas - completely out of
the blue! She might as well have bought me some soap and pointed me in the direction
of a bathroom - such was her not-so-subtle communication to me! (By the way, I
shower every day - promise! :-) ) As to me, I had no idea that I was clueless
in the language body signs department. Still, like you, I can learn. And by checking
out the recommended resources below I have learned. So I now know the following
about this oh-so-important skill: - How to read
Pay
attention to the eyes (do they maintain eye contact?), the hands (and what they're
doing with them), and how relaxed the person is. Also, how close is this person
to you? Are they mimicking you? Are they nervous?
These are just a few
things to look out for. Note: reading body language is like listening to someone.
How they say something is just as important as what they say!
- Signs
Reading people's body signals involves interpreting those signals you
get from the eyes, the mouth, the head, the hands, the face, the arms and legs
etc. It's also important to look for at least 2 or 3 signs with the same meaning...
- Understanding and interpreting
Well this is all
about interpreting the non-verbal movements we make as we communicate. Again,
the recommended resources below will explain more.
I appreciate
the above is a little 'simplistic'. I will do better, soon, I promise! And, no,
I do not have my fingers crossed behind my back as I write this! Anyway,
do let me know what you think about the secret language -
contact me here! Or, if you like, we can do a secret handshake, whilst
standing on one foot! I'll leave it up to you! ;-)
Body
language - what YouTube has to say...Thank goodness for YouTube, eh! You
can pretty much guarantee videos on any subject - that includes the art of reading
body language. I've picked 2 different examples below, that show via models/actors
how these signs look in action. Take it away, YouTube...
Winning with Assertive
Behavior and Body LanguageBody Language - what Michael Lee has to say...Many
people will tell you that what bothers them most during conversations is not the
topic, but the attitude of the person they have conversed with. This predicament
ends up to be the reason why friendships become superficial. As a result, one
of you becomes either pushy or lifeless. Proper assertive behavior and body language,
aside from possessing assertive communication skills, are therefore necessary
in developing happy relationships. Winning Friends The right
attitude to be able to win friends is to be more assertive. Being assertive is
actually just your ability to stand up for yourself, tackle issues face to face,
state your own personal views, and defend others when they are being taken advantage
of. Contrary to what you may think, being assertive is very much different from
being bossy and overbearing. Getting Promoted Assertiveness
is actually a good thing. Without it, you inevitably hold back in your career
and your personal life. If you are usually compared to another one of your co-workers
because the two of you have similar levels of experience and skills, then it is
more likely that the more assertive one is rewarded with the promotion.
It
is natural that some people are more assertive than others; whether you are part
of the former or the latter, it does not matter. What matters is that you get
to learn assertive behavior, which ensures you are in the path for new opportunities. For
you to be assertive, you have to keep in mind the effects of positive body language.
It is not difficult, actually. You just need to show the person you are talking
to that you are attentive and that you truly care about whatever topic it is that
you are discussing. Eye-to-eye Contact When in a conversation,
you have to do everything you can to maintain eye-to-eye contact. It is believed
that your eyes are the windows to your soul. Therefore, for you to be able to
achieve a heartfelt and productive conversation, you have to show the other party
your undivided attention. You must not, under any circumstances, look around
while the other person is talking. You have to always make sure that the person
you're talking to sees that you are truly participating in your conversation by
listening intently, while maintaining eye-to-eye contact. Leaning Forward For
you to be able to further express that you are, in fact, approaching your conversation
with respect and attention, you may lean forward. Leaning forward is a gesture
that shows that you want to hear more and would want the other party to expound
on what he or she has just said. Of course, leaning backward is the opposite.
It proves that you are only engaging yourself in the conversation because you
have to, and not because you truly care about what is bothering the other party. You
have to prevent yourself from being pushy in your newfound relationship. You must
not force your opinions and beliefs on the other party if he or she radically
believes otherwise. Just let things be, accept them as how they are. Just
be assertive. Taking the initiative of beginning a conversation, or in stating
your views without pushing them to the other party, is the right way for a productive
and effective conversation. Do not worry about giving the other party an image
that you are overly confident; for being assertive is not only about being confident,
it is also about understanding other people and the empathy that you give them. Indeed,
it has been observed and proven that body language has a huge part when it comes
to being assertive. Body language shows the other party that you are attentive
to what he or she is saying. It is not all about looking good and speaking for
yourself. It is also about making other people more comfortable when they talk
and express their personal thoughts with you. ---------------------------------------------------- Michael
Lee is the author of the highly-acclaimed How
To Be An Expert Persuader... In 20 Days or Less. This power-packed course
reveals mind-altering persuasion secrets to turbocharge your earnings, win lots
of friends, captivate the opposite sex, and make anyone subconsciously like and
trust you. Find out more in his exciting, free
ecourse that reveals groundbreaking persuasion secrets
Body language- what these recommended resources say...Still want
more? Well why not check out these recommended resources:
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