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Assertiveness Training

If, as I feel is the case, we could all do with improving our assertive behaviour from time to time, then it follows that we could all do with some assertiveness training. From time to time. Men and women both. And that's what this page is all about - assertiveness tips and links to some great resources on assertiveness training. Much of the training (see below) is common sensical but it's still always good to be reminded of good practice.

And you never know you might even learn something about how you relate to people - your interpersonal relations, as it were - that might not be working for you.

Again, I leave it to various assertiveness experts to have their say on assertive training (or assertion training has one Doctor puts it). And, again, I more than welcome your feedback. I'd demand it, but that might not be appropriate (or successful)! ;-)

Assertiveness training - what I say...

Assertiveness training is "a method of training individuals to act in a bold self-confident manner" Actually, Merriam Webster Online Dictionary said that. Assertiveness training is also about understanding and putting into practice assertiveness techniques (some revealed below). I also say that the advice below seems sound and I think you should check out the respective websites if you have a thirst for knowledge in this area. Speaking of thirst, I rather like this video and the somewhat unconventional assertiveness training it advocates - how about you?

Tell me that video didn't make you smile! ;-) Plus it contains everything that good assertiveness training will provide for you e.g. "the safe, natural way to feel better about yourself and your actions", "shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past". Who could ask for more? (Alas my one horrendous 'morning after the night before' experience of Tequila was enough for me. :-O .)

Okay, it's time to listen to people who know what they're talking about...

Assertiveness Training...

Assertiveness training - what About.com has to say...

I'm going to summarise what about.com has to say about assertiveness training. If you want to hear it from the horses mouth then please feel free to click this link - about.com assertiveness

Okay, here are some tips to becoming more assertive (are you sitting comfortably?):

• Assertive tip 1: stick to the facts.
  
  When you're trying to improve a situation avoid using judgemental language
  e.g. "You're late (again) and now our lunch is ruined!" would be better phrased (and truer) as "You're late and now I have less time to spend with you as I still need to return to work at 1pm"
  
  
• Assertive tip 2: Use 'I Messages'
  
  Simply, this means that instead of saying "You should use 'I messages'" you say, "I'd like it very much if you, and everybody else who reads this 'how to be more assertive' web page would use I Messages (rather than 'You Messages')" :-)
  
  
• Assertive tip 3: Check your body language
  
  It's not just what you say but how you say it. So your tone of voice matters, as does your body language (open and friendly versus closed and hostile (or disinterested)).

And About.com's advice (thank you, Elizabeth Scott, M.S.) is wonderfully summarised by this assertiveness formula:

"When you [their behavior], I feel [your feelings]."

None of this is rocket science (thankfully) but we all get manage to these things wrong from time to time. Well, I do anyway... (how about you?)

Assertiveness training - what Tom G. Stevens PhD has to say...

"Assertion Training helps you learn how to think and act more assertively. It's made a major difference in the lives of many people. People have become less afraid of speaking up, friendlier and more outgoing, more confident and competent handling difficult interpersonal situations, more successful in their careers, and generally happier. "

Fair enough, Dr. Tom, but what do we need to do? (There is a lot of information on his Assertion Training web page, and it's difficult to discover the 'what', so here are his assertiveness tips...)

• Step 1: Assess Your Assertiveness and Underlying Factors
• Step 2: Set Assertiveness Goals
• Step 3: Learn To Think Assertively and Feel More Confident
• Step 4: Develop Assertive Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills
• Step 5: Making Assertiveness a Lifestyle: Replacing Old Habits With Assertiveness

And Tom G. Stevens PhD explains how to do all of the above at his website.

Assertiveness training - what UK company Total Success has to say...

Total Success agrees with About.com in the fundamentals of assertiveness training (which is good to know) but they have their own way of achieving assertiveness (which I summarise, below):

1. Acknowledge and be honest about your own feelings to yourself
2. Be clear, specific and direct in what you say
3. If necessary, keep repeating your message if you encounter objections
4. If necessary ask for clarification if you are uncertain about something
5. Adopt appropriate body language to back up your assertion
6. Keep calm and stick to the point
7. Always respect the rights of the other person
8. And always ask yourself these questions
   - How can I express my message more clearly?
   - How can I be more specific about what I have to say?
   - What body language will I use to back up my message?
   

Learn more about Total Success' assertiveness training here (and if you live in North America you might want to check out these courses from the American Management Association: Assertiveness Training and Assertiveness Training for Women in Business.)

If you're interested in learning more about assertiveness training or just what it means to be assertive then read this article titled Setting Boundaries Appropriately: Assertiveness Training (and read all the comments afterwards - they're most informative, and I'm a tad jealous :-( lol )

More assertiveness training resources:

• http://www.uvm.edu/~uvmeap/stress8.html
  (This assertiveness training article compiled from the following source: The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Handbook, by Davis, Eshelman and McKay, 1988.)
  
  
• http://www.minddisorders.com/A-Br/Assertiveness-training.html
  
  
• Assertiveness and Assertiveness Training from the BBC
  

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