If, as I feel is the case, we could all do with improving our assertive behaviour
from time to time, then it follows that we could all do with some training.
From time to time.
Men and women both.
And that's what this
page is all about - assertiveness tips and links to some great assertiveness courses.
Much of the training (see below) is common sense but it's still always
good to be reminded of good practice.
And you never know you might even
learn something about how you relate to people - your interpersonal
relations, as it were - that might not be working for you.
Again, I
leave it to various assertiveness experts to have their say on assertive training
(or assertion training has one Doctor puts it). And, again, I more than welcome
your feedback. I'd demand it, but that might not be appropriate (or successful)!
;-)
Assertiveness training - what I say...
Assertiveness
training is a way of training individuals to act in a self-confident and bold
manner, to paraphrase the Merriam Webster Online Dictionary.
It's also about
understanding and putting into practice assertiveness
techniques (some revealed below).
And, as ever, it's about putting
theory into practice; i.e. taking action! (Even if that action is simply listening
to one of those subliminal audios from the likes of Real
Subliminal .)
I also say that the advice that follows seems sound and
I think you should check out the respective websites, too, if you have a thirst
for knowledge in this area. And speaking of thirst, I rather like this video and
the somewhat unconventional training it advocates (how
about you? )...
Tell me that video didn't make you smile! ;-)
Plus the video contains everything that good assertiveness training will
provide for you e.g. "the safe, natural way to feel better about yourself
and your actions", "shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past".
Who could ask for more, eh? (Alas my one horrendous 'morning after the night before'
experience with Tequila was enough for me. :-O .)
Okay, it's time to listen
to some people who know what they're talking about...
Assertiveness
Training...
Assertiveness training - what About.com has to say...
I'm
going to summarise what about.com has to say about this topic. If you want to
hear it from the horses mouth then please feel free to click this link - about.com
assertiveness
Okay, here are some tips to becoming more assertive (are
you sitting comfortably?):
Assertive tip 1: stick
to the facts.
When you're trying to improve a situation avoid using
judgemental language e.g. "You're late (again) and now our lunch is
ruined!" would be better phrased (and truer) as "You're late
and now I have less time to spend with you as I still need to return to work at
1pm"
Assertive tip 2: Use 'I Messages'
Simply, this means that instead of saying "You should use 'I messages'"
you say, "I'd like it very much if you, and everybody else who reads this
'how to be more assertive' web page would use
I Messages (rather than 'You Messages')" :-)
Assertive
tip 3: Check your body language
It's not just what you say but how
you say it. So your tone of voice matters, as does your body
language (open and friendly versus closed and hostile (or disinterested)).
And
About.com's advice (thank you, Elizabeth Scott, M.S.) is wonderfully summarised
by this assertiveness formula:
"When you [their
behavior], I feel [your feelings]."
None of this is rocket
science (thankfully) but we all get manage to these things wrong from time to
time. Well, I do anyway... ( how about you? )
Assertiveness training - what UK company Total Success has to say...
Total
Success agrees with About.com in the fundamentals of (which is good to know) but
they have their own way of achieving assertiveness
(which I summarise, below):
Acknowledge and be honest about your own
feelings to yourself
Be clear, specific and direct in what you say
If
necessary, keep repeating your message if you encounter objections
If
necessary ask for clarification if you are uncertain about something
Adopt
appropriate body language to back up your assertion
Keep calm and stick
to the point
Always respect the rights of the other person
And
always ask yourself these questions - How can I express my message more clearly?
- How can I be more specific about what I have to say? - What body language
will I use to back up my message?
Assertiveness training
- what these recommended resources say...
If you're interested in learning
more about this kind of training, or just what it means to be assertive, then
you'll enjoy these recommended resources:
and 
provide lots of books on the subject, too
