"Stories" from the Collective (YOU)


Always Have Bad Relationships!...

by Katherine
(UK)

It seems to me, that everytime I have a relationship, it ends up the same bad way. Especially in the past 5 years - I've had so many relationships that turned out not to be worth much.


The first man I met was a friend, that I refused to have sex with as he was pressuring me to have intercourse within the first week of the relationship.

I finally learnt that he had a fiance in his hometown. At the end, he also admitted that I was just a plan to marry with: so he can have his visa to be extended and get his fiance to live in here, and graduate from university.


After that time I decided to cut off with men, in order to live a life of celibacy, as it was too painful for me to forgive myself for such a recklessness...


Three years later, I met this handsome man at work who seemed to have a crush on me, he was nice and appreciate the time we spent together, he cooked for me, and respected me, and valued me - he did a lot for me than no other men did, I was charmed...

Everything went well, until, I learned that he was, actually cheating on me, and passed onto me several Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) - that left me sick for over a month, but fortunately nothing too serious...


I lost courage and patience on men...


The third man has been introduced to me by a friend of mine a year ago, and started meeting, and it was good for a couple of dates. Then, he was awful to me, he was abusing me verbally, making inappropriate jokes around me, "since I failed one of his tests", (mind games), that he does to everybody including his colleagues and "friends", to check out who is untrustworthy".

He was twisting my words, and using them against me.

"He is a man" as I am a woman, and like them play games. Later, he told me that we were too different to further a relationship, as our astrological sign were not identical; and culturally opposite.

He never took accountability to his mistakes, (unlike me), and provoking me so as to end up arguing at each other (he also recognized it once). He even told me that I was "taking life too seriously and should not do so".

So, I walked away from him, because I could not stand anymore of this; even though he keeps contacting me, hoping to meet me again.


To tell the truth he seemed like "deja vu" as the first boyfriend was no different from my last encounter. I know that I made mistakes and I not "easy", but I'm tired of being toyed by men!


Why do I always date men who last seems to have no consideration toward me? Where do I go wrong?



STEVE'S RESPONSE...

Questions like Katherine's are being answered and commented on over at the Relationship Advice Forum - over 100 questions answered, including the top 10 relationship questions

My quick answer to Katherine can be summed up via a recent and extraordinary (to me, anyway!) insight I had about people:


Everyone is ALWAYS doing their best, at any given time

Startling, eh!

Maya Angelou's inspirational quote explains this better, "I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better."

That's not to say that people don't do bad things, but there's always, and I mean ALWAYS, a reason that justifies doing so; e.g. a person thinking, "they deserved it!" etc. Now please understand that this is as true of YOU as it is of THEM as it is of ME...

We're all doing our best at any given moment. Sometimes that 'best' is good, and sometimes that 'best' is not so good - but it's always our 'best'!


So. It might seem that people (men) are out to 'get you' and 'do you wrong' but in reality they are doing the best they know how to get what they want from life as 'safely' as they know how. (Trouble is most of us just don't know how powerful we all are, most of us don't realise that there's nothing to fear...)

So people (men, and women) really are doing their best, and sometimes their best can be hurtful and mean and even potentially harmful.


So what can you do to avoid such men, such people, living their lives from such a low state of wellbeing' (as I like to think of it)? Well, one obvious thing is to stop looking for others to make you happy, and to realise that happiness really is an inside job.

Once you feel happier inside yourself - for no reason, you just do - then you are much more likely to draw people into your life who feel similarly happy.

And in terms of relationships, this means you'll start to meet the types of men who not only value and respect you, they value and respect themselves too.


Yep, that's what I say anyway. How about you - what do you think? (Comment below!)

NOTE: this Inside Out understanding that I'm referring to is explained in MUCH more detail, via videos and tips and programs, at Michael Neill's Supercoach website.

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